The Salamanca Family: Parenthood: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

So we've all been sick for the last six days now. It started with Jamie coming home from work last Thursday. He was achy and fevered and had a slight cough. He ended up staying on the couch for the next two days with a high temperature of 102, calling off work on Friday and attempting to call off on Saturday, but was told he "had to come in no matter what." So he went to work on Saturday with pockets full of Tylenol, cough drops and Mucinex and a thermal mug full of "Immunity Tea" in his hand. By the time he got home at 7pm that night(!), Jadon had started coughing and had a high temperature of 101.

I rarely, if ever, give Jadon juice because it just doesn't have much nutritional value...I just give him whole fruits instead ;) ...and I NEVER give him juice in a bottle. All of the dental experts say that's a big no no, but I had to keep lots of fluids in him, and was afraid breast milk wasn't going to be enough, so I gave the poor little guy juice in a bottle. His high chair reclines slightly, and while I made dinner for me and Jamie, he sat back and enjoyed his sweet, tooth-decaying beverage ;)

Poor baby :/ Is there anything more heartbreaking than seeing your child feel sick? His little cough broke our hearts, especially Jamie, since he blamed himself for spreading germs to him.

Although I was hopeful that I wouldn't get sick, I kinda knew it was coming...and it did :/ Monday night I woke up around 3am with chills and a terrible cough, but that wasn't all...I thought I was in the movie The Wizard of Oz or that the end of the world was here! I don't know how high the wind speed was, during the storm of the century, but I honestly was so afraid! Jamie was sleeping on the couch, but I woke him up around 4:15am, when I had thoughts of me and Jadon being swept away by a tornado and Jamie snoozing through it on the couch. (If you know Jamie, you know that is likely what would happen, in the event of a tornado!)

Well anyway, I guess I was having too many thoughts about this story: http://www.wlbz2.com/news/national/article.aspx?storyid=80242

I mean, if you heard the story, it surely broke your heart, but if you're a parent, it brought you to tears :( A mommy holding her baby in a bathtub, waiting for the storm to pass, is killed by the tornado, but the baby is found all alone in a field with only a few scabs on his sweet, little face ???? :( :( :( Even still, as I type this, it's impossible for me to not think of my own son...the thought of leaving him on this earth without me, him never having a memory of me...oh the scenarios are endless!!! If you didn't know this, PARENTHOOD MAKES ME ANXIOUS!!!

I tell my mom all of the time that I'm just not cut out for this constant worrying stuff that parenthood brings. She and my friends who have kids assure me that I'm perfectly normal, that everyone worries about this kind of stuff with their kids too. But it NEVER ends, does it? My friend Michelle has a 12 year old. She says, for her, it has gotten worse! My friend Jessica has three kids, ages seven, five, and two. I think she may worry even more than I do! (But she does have three times the responsibility.)

This entry is going to serve as therapy for me, I suppose. So here it is...these are the things I worry about or have worried about MOST in Jadon's short life, thus far (there are hundreds others, but I'll spare myself the true exposure of my mental illness):

One minute old: "He's going to die!!! He had a bowel movement inside my womb! Hurry, doctor, save him! His lungs are polluted! He's not breathing correctly! He's not the right color! Everyone pray for my baby!!! Dear, Lord, please don't take my baby from me!!!"

"What? He's okay? Oh, Thank God!"

Okay, okay, let's skip ahead just a bit, otherwise, I'll be here forever, and no one will keep reading ;) But honestly, the next few things I worried about, of course, was the fact that Jadon couldn't pee for the first few days of his life. I worried I was not able to feed him enough, that he would need an operation, that it was something worse...his kidneys, his bladder, his...oh anything and everything. But then, two days later, he FINALLY peed :) Then came napping and sleeping: He's going to stop breathing!!! Then car rides: He can't even hold his head up! Other people are crazy!!! Slow down! Use your blinker, for goodness sake! Watch that car, Jamie! Aye, aye, aye!

Over the next few months, we had issues with poop (constipation that made him cry), CONSTANT worries of SIDS (still exists to this day...hurry up 1st birthday!), one fall off of the bed under Daddy's supervision that made me cry and yell at my husband ("I'm never leaving him in the room with you again!")...his soft spot getting hit, bath tub worries ("Oh my goodness, Jamie! He just swallowed bath water! Would you drink dirty bath water!?! Now he's going to get sick!" Is this water too hot???) Oh my!

Then there are the germs! Everyone wants to touch a baby's hands!!! Why??? It freaks a new mom out! I always wonder if I ever freaked a new mom out by grabbing her new baby's little hands :/ I apologize to you, if I did. I get it now! I really, really do. Also a big germ worry: shopping carts, restaurant high chairs and tables, changing stations in public restrooms (don't use 'em), and toys in the church nursery! Yuck! Speaking of church nurseries, do ya think a child predator could be lurking around there? Well, Jamie was even with me on this one! I don't like leaving my kid with strangers, and if we're not blood related, we might as well be strangers, when it comes to my little baby, okay?

Next came the worries of choking. You know with actual baby food comes choking worries. Well, I suppose there are also worries of choking on toys or the lead paint that's in them!!! Back to baby food...oh my! He still only has two teeth, and the "experts" say he can have meat already! Can't do it :/ And what about those hard teething biscuits for 8-9 month olds that have a WARNING: DO NOT ALLOW CHILDREN TO EAT THESE UNSUPERVISED! What the heck? Do you know how many hours I can sit and watch him gnaw on those things? or maybe I'll just wait for a piece to break off and block his airway. No thanks, Teething Biscuit Maker People! No thanks!

Moving on...now that Jadon is mobile (crawling, standing, pulling himself onto anything and everything), there is an entirely new set of worries. Here are a few of my daily favorites: something is going to fall on his little head and crush his skull (and he's going to die), he's going to stick his finger in a light socket, get electrocuted (and he's going to die), he's going to find something on the floor the he shouldn't have (like a cough drop wrapper) and put it in his mouth (and he's going to choke to death on it). You might be thinking that I must leave him unsupervised to think such things could happen. Are you kidding me??? If I leave him unsupervised, he's going to end up dead!!! These are things I worry about happening with me in the room :/

I'm finished exposing myself. I feel crazy :/ But here are a few last words: fevers! falls! boating! car rides without Mommy or Daddy! a driver's license at 16! girls in kindergarten and beyond! boys who don't like half brown boys who don't hunt! parents who don't teach their kids any better! girls who smoke cigarettes in middle school (as seen from my kitchen window just yesterday!!!)! And let me just put this out there: NO ONE will EVER see my son without a diaper on, when he's too old to wear one...you get me??? And his little lips are for slobbering all over his mommy, NOT for kissing girls!!!

I'm learning. I'm trying. I want to trust God. I really, really do :/ I mean, I do trust God...but I really can't figure out why God trusts me. I mean, He chose me to be Jadon's Mommy. It's a HUGE responsibility! I have to protect him, nurse him (for a few more months anyway), watch over him as he sleeps, guide his steps all day long, change his diapers, bathe him, teach him, read to him, expose him to the rest of the world. I have to teach him all about His Creator, the real meaning of life AND make sure he doesn't choke on his carrots??? There are days I want Calgon to take me away. Being a mommy is not nearly as physically draining as it is emotionally draining.

I'm no longer a trendy person. In fact, I have no clue what's in style anymore and I couldn't care less, to be honest with you. I rarely, if ever, wear make-up. My hair needs a good cut and color right now. There are STILL days I don't get a shower or brush my teeth until 10pm! "How is that possible," you ask??? You must not be a parent! "How does Jamie stand that," you ask??? Uh..maybe you'd like to see Jamie in his PJs all day on his days off without a shower, clean shave or his teeth brushed either...trust me. By the way, the last movie we saw in a theatre was in December 2006, when I was five months pregnant...and we just don't really do sit down restaurants anymore. Friends say that might change, once Jadon is old enough to scribble with crayons...maybe.

The thought of not breastfeeding brings great joy some days and makes me want to cry others. I cannot stand the thought of my son seeing scantily clad women in a video, on a commercial, or in a movie...or hearing about that stuff in music lyrics....I used to like rap??? I forgive everyone for anything they ever do much more easily than ever before, and I feel more judged than I've ever felt in my life. Yep, that's parenthood in a nutshell :)

It's never-ending concern, constant laying aside of myself for the needs of my child. I love it and I am so very thankful to have been chosen to do this work for God. It is, by far, the hardest job I will ever have and the most rewarding at the same time. If you're a parent, you will appreciate these final pics of our week, and if you're not yet, these are the kind of days you have to look forward to one day, if you're lucky enough :) These are the good, the bad, and the ugly...but mostly good:

Bright and early Monday morning :)

"Why are you taking pictures of my poop? Don't you know I'm sick?"

Teething on Tuesday night (severe bouts of crying in pain):

Handsome boy headed out with Mommy & Daddy on Wednesday afternoon ;) Please note: Baby does not like the jeans, button-down and shoes look so much

I told ya he didn't like it:

Admiring his first Valentine's Day gifts, a balloon from Grandpa and a card from Uncle Allen and Aunt Lily:

"For me? How convenient, it matches my sweater!"

Hand in hand with mommy always ;)

P.S. It literally took me three days to write this entry, no kidding...with all of the crying, diaper changes, Tylenol-giving, waking up from naps, feedings, laundry, dishes, running errands, etc. If you hung in there and read all of my ramblings, you are to be commended. How much do I owe ya? It was therapeutic for me, remember?