By the time Jadon was two months old, I remember breastfeeding became like riding a bike. I had learned the basics, as did he (i.e. the correct latch, position, etc.), and it became very natural to me. I had perfected the art of lying down and nursing, so I didn't have to sit up at night every time Jadon cried (yay!) and I loved the bonding time I had with Jadon that no one else had. Now feeding in public was never my thing. I bought one of those capes you put over you, so you can feed in public, but Jadon caught onto the peek-a-boob game, and I just didn't want to do that. Somewhere along the way, with the help of my wonderful husband, I discovered the nursing mother's area at the mall and also the VERY COZY nursing room in the back of Baby Gap. They were wonderful!!! I could actually go to the mall and relax, even when I needed to feed Jadon :)
Don't get me wrong, not all feedings in public were in such a desireable place. I've sat on many toilets (i.e. in church, in Barnes & Noble, and just recently (while in NYC) in the bathroom at Whole Foods Market)...gross, I know! Believe me, I know! Jadon used to cry in the bathroom at B&N because the acoustics are terrible (i.e. doors slamming, toilets flushing, sinks running). I remember feeling like it just wasn't even worth the trouble to leave the house!
Let me also mention that pumping was never my thing either...I'll blame that one on my hypothyroidism. Although we spent $150.00 on a top of the line breast pump from Medela, I just couldn't produce enough milk that way. I'd sit and pump for hours, and have little more than three ounces of milk and huge knots to show for it. I tried several times, during different months along the way, but it just wasn't worth it to me. Since I didn't have to go to work, I figured it was just easier to save myself the hassle and just let Jadon nurse directly from me. (Hopefully I get to try again with another baby one day, so I don't have to look at that $150.00 gadget wasting away in Jadon's closet!)
Then in October, when Jadon was 4 1/2 months old, we had to take our first long car ride with Jadon to see my family in West Virginia. Many of you know that Jadon is no fan of car rides. He basically starts crying, as soon as you attempt to strap him in, which doesn't make much fun for an 11 hour trip! So my quick fix was to try nursing him, while he was in his car seat...brilliant! It worked! The problem is that ever since then, 90% of our car rides (I mean, even to Target, which is 10 minutes away) require that I nurse Jadon. Well, let me re-phrase that, I choose to nurse him because it is sooo much better than listening to him scream!
But now, nearly eleven months later, I have decided to begin the process of weaning Jadon from his need for me to feed him. I tear up, as I type those words :( If you're a man, or if you're not a mom, you likely will be rolling your eyes at me right about now. You may even think I have dependency issues with my child. If you've never breastfed, you may also be wondering what the big deal is. All babies grow up, right? I mean, my mom weaned me at three months and my sister at 15 months. We're okay, aren't we? We are...I know we are.
But you see, this is MY baby. After having five miscarriages, I wonder all of the time if Jadon will, in fact, be the only baby that I ever have. I wonder if, once my milk dries up, I'll ever have the experience of nursing a baby ever again :( Oh the sadness! :( :( :(
I asked Jamie last night what he missed most about Jadon being a newborn baby. He responded, "The fact that he was so dependent on us." I then asked him, "If you could keep him that way for a longer time, would you?" He quicly answered, "Yeah, of course!" I explained to him that I do have the ability to keep Jadon a baby for a longer period. I can keep him dependent upon me for food, comfort, security, etc.
All of the experts, and even Jadon's own pediatrician, say the longer you breastfeed a baby, the better...up to two and three years old! I could easily do it, you know? The process itself is not hard at all. Mostly Jadon uses his time nursing for comfort. When he's tired, cranky, frustrated, or sad, he looks at me and does the sign for milk or says "mommomomomom." Sometimes he only needs to nurse no more than five minutes, then he's either asleep or he's so relaxed, he just stares at me and touches my face without even nursing.
Research shows that breastfeed babies are physically and emotionally healthier and have higher IQs. And do you know that less than 20% of babies in this country are still breastfeeding at six months old? I guess I can feel a sense of pride about that, but I keep going back to the thought that I could give him even more time with me nursing. If only summer wasn't coming, and we didn't live in South Carolina, near the beach and have a pool in our development. I just can't imagine nursing Jadon in this heat, and having to plan our times at the pool and beach around feedings.
So here we are...day one of weaning. It's only been five hours, since Jadon has nursed (which is a long time for him), and I have successfully put him down for one of his very first naps without me feeding him. I'm going to try my best to hold off feeding him until late this evening...just not sure my breasts are ready for that yet. I may have to do a quick feeding before that, so I'm not pain. We'll see how it goes. I shouldn't be so hard on myself, since it is the first day.
I know blogs aren't so much fun to read, unless there are pics to go with it. Since this is a virtual scrapbook for Jadon too, I really want to include some pics that I want to remember of my time nursing him. Honestly, I'm not so thrilled for anyone to see these, so you can stop scrolling here, and I won't be mad ;)
Prayers are appreciated because, honestly, I truly hate this and I'm really an emotional wreck about it all :( Crying has become a daily occurrence for me :( I'll keep you posted on our progress. What a sad time this is for me :(
First feedings in the hospital:
In the nursing mother's room at the mall:
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