Week 28: Emo Much?

Actually it was last Sunday (during week 27) that I had a fairly big breakdown before church. I can't remember now what caused it, mainly because it was ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, but I had decided that I just couldn't go. I was just too emotional. Jadon had a runny nose, so I didn't want to put him in the nursery and expose the other kids to his germs, and I also felt incredibly guilty for "shipping him off" to Gramma for a few hours, while we went. That's how I saw it..."shipping him off."

My mom literally lives three miles away from me, and the church is two miles away from our house in the other direction, so a 10 minute trip max. from the church to her house. For whatever reason, (1) I couldn't stand the thought of abandoning my sick little baby (honestly he wasn't sick at all, just a little runny nose, and clear snot at that!), (2) I felt just too uncomfortable in my skin...okay, my snug clothes to even bother getting dressed, (3) I felt super heavy and didn't even want to expend the energy to shower and get ready anyway, (4) I just knew church was no place for the world's worst wife, mommy, and daughter to be..."I'm a mean, irritable, horrible person right now...God wants nothing to do with me! How could He?"

So I did what any irrational pregnant girl would do, and I called my mom and had an emotional breakdown, nearly causing her to cry at my misery. MISERY? What in the world was wrong with me? She assured me that I was beautiful and that she loves taking care of Jadon, that he is never a bother to her. She reminded me how smart and handsome Jadon is and that Macy is sure to be just as amazing, but I didn't buy it. I mean, she's my mom. She has to say that stuff. But then, as I continued on with my self-pity, boo hooing about how I have "nothing to wear," she said, "Oh, honey, don't cry. It makes makes me sad to hear you cry." Then I heard her start to cry, and I thought, "What in the WORLD is wrong with you? Snap out of it, you lunatic! Now you're making your mom cry. Way to go!" So I had a short out-of-mind/body moment, and I thought to myself, "Now what was I saying all of that for? Why am I so upset?" Gramma and Grandpa picked Jadon up 15 minutes later, and off to church the bouncy pregnant girl went :) CRAAAAZY! COO COO!

So, yeah, that was last week, but I think I've been sort of irritable this week too. I can't think of any specific examples, but they surely had nothing to do with what I was grumbling about (i.e. Jamie leading Jadon to the potty, rather than picking him up, when we both knew he had a turd coming out...I mean, c'mon! Can you walk and hold your poop, when it has already started to come out? I think not!). I've had moments when I've been a sheer mess, but then there have been others of total bliss, like last night, when both Jamie and I were able to see Macy moving around underneath my shirt. She's getting sooo big now! Yes, my favorite part of pregnancy is upon us :) I can't wait to see her butt sticking out of my rib cage :) Sounds delightful, doesn't it? It truly is though :) I LOVE seeing a baby move all around from the outside of my stomach. It's so amazing, and it's then, if not before, that the baby seems like a REAL baby...like a small little human inside of me. WHAT??? So cool!

Although we had a doctor's appointment today, I really don't have a lot of things to say about it :/ Jadon wore his "Mr. Happy" shirt, and for the most part, he was :) Jamie had to take him to the lobby for a few minutes because he thought it was super fun to bang his sippy cup on the glass top table in the waiting area.
***And this is a totally RANDOM side note: I am listening to an apparently new Jeremy Camp song AND I FREAKING LOVE IT! When did this come out??? I listen to KLOVE every, single day...all morning our radio is on the John and Sherry Rivers radio show, and I haven't heard this? I'm inspired. It's like Jeremy Camp with a choir singing backup at the end. LOVE IT! Tiff, Tara, and Janine: we MUST go to a concert soon...like when I'm not pregnant or breastfeeding and Tara is out of med school, and Janine is not living in Africa, and Tiffany is not out vagabonding around. Do you girls know of this new Jeremy Camp? Why have you not shared? Jeremy Camp is bound to be retired, before we all get together again :/

Okay...back to the doctor. Pretty much, in a nutshell, I had a blood test for gestational diabetes...sure it's fine, but will know in a few days if anything is off. Jadon spun in the chair in the exam room. The midwife said we should just make babies and either (1) sell them??? or (2) sign them up as Gap models...little does she know I am in the process (sort of...Gap casting call results are Dec. 8th). Sweet of her to say :) So she then did the belly measurement and held the Doppler thingy on my tummy for like five minutes, while we talked politics (presidential race results and abortion, etc.). All the while, I should have been taping my adorable 17 month old being held by his daddy to my immediate left. They were listening to the heartbeat, Jadon enjoying mommy's shirt being up and seeing the smiley lady hold a thing on it. Jamie was telling him to listen to "Macy" and Jadon smiled from ear to ear. It was the only time he was still the entire visit :) Oh yeah, and Macy did some kicks, which could be heard by way of the doppler device thingy too :)

All in all, a great day. All in all, a great week...emotional roller coasters and all. To top it off, we drove Jadon to the airport to let him see the planes take off for a few minutes. His face said it all, "Why haven't we been here before? I LOVE this place!" I especially enjoyed watching him perched on Daddy's shoulders, as I stood there dreaming of the little life God is knitting together inside of me...I wonder if you'll like airplanes, Macy.