You Are Mine

There is nothing special about the video below. It won't make you laugh. There is no milestone to be documented from it. No cute sibling interaction was caught on tape.

There are moments in parenthood, thus far (I'm clearly only 2.4 years into this journey), that have taught me so very much about my relationship with my Heavenly Father. There are moments that are so sweet, you really can't even put words to them, moments that make your heart swell and lift your eyes toward the sky. You know them only as a mother or father to YOUR child.

I understand that many of you will watch this video and think, "So what?" Some of you won't even make it through the entire thing because it's more than 30 seconds, and as I said, it really isn't that interesting...unless you are Jadon's Mama or Daddy (in this case, his Mama).

The other night, it was pretty late, and though Jadon had been tucked in bed for nearly 30 minutes, he was still awake in the dark talking, talking, talking away to himself. I went in to check on him and he said in his adorable, toddler-size voice, "Hi, Mama." I turned the bathroom light on, so I could see his sweet face, then knelt beside him to take in the blessing that is my son.

Just barely 29-months-old, yet used by God an infinite number of times to teach me about real, unconditional, agape love. It wasn't the words he was saying or even how he was saying them. It was more than the look of innocence in his big, golden brown eyes. It was the gift of him. The gift, after five miscarriages, countless tears, much heartache, the struggle to reconciliation that I may never carry and give birth to my own biological child...I may never feel a baby kick me from the inside or look into the eyes of my breastfeeding baby.

I was silenced by God to be still. "Take it all in," He said. THIS moment, these moments, this life, these beautiful babies...they are mine because I was chosen. Psalm 127:3 tells me that Jadon and Macy are "gifts from the Lord," and I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that they are, and I take my role as their Mama very seriously. It is the most important ministry I will ever be called to lead.

And so here he is rambling, rambling, rambling about the pumpkins and the bale of hay that was painted like a spider that scared him. Of course, he tells the story as if Macy were the main character haha, but he's learning to be comforting, which is so sweet to see :)

At that moment, as I took in all that had been given to me in the form of a little boy who calls me "Mama," I felt as if I wanted to press the huge pause button on this journey of life. I felt like I just couldn't take it all in, that time was in fast forward, and my babies growing up entirely too fast. You know the struggle. Every parent feels it. I thought, " I want to pick you up, carry you (and Macy) away to an island with all of your favorite things, and have you all to myself forever."

And then I heard God say to me, "That is EXACTLY how I feel about you, my child. You are mine. I long to have you all to myself...for you to desire nothing more than to be in relationship with me." That is where I find my greatest joy, Father...experiencing your love for me, through the gifts of my children. I am Yours.